Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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