Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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