you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize