At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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