First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
