You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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