Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
