i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize