Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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