Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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