I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
