im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
