i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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