I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
