I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize