Where is the hickey?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
