what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
