I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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