New low: just hacked my moms facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
