Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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