I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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