Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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