I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
