his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
