I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
