Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize