I faked an abortion last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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