P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We smell like vodka and hangover
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