is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize