I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
