I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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