maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
