The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
