This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
