just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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