im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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