he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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