dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
