Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
