It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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