you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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