What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
