Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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