Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
