I just threw up on my dentist
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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