that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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