I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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