does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
