for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
