enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
