I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
