I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How's work?
Spinning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
