Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
