I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
