Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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