6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
