Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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