Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
