getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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