just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
