I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
