I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Holy sore nipples Batman
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
