can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
