Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
