you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize