I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
