idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
