I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
