Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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