Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize