I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
