I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
