you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
