Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
