Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
