Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
