So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize