I didn't shave. On purpose
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
