who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
