Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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