I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
