I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
two words: eviction party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
