4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
