sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
