Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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