I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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