***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
