currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
