There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
