Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize