I heard we made out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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