Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
