i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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