i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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