well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
being pregnant is like rehab
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
