I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We have so much sex to catch up on
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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