good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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