I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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