no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
