rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
