Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
