I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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