whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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