is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
