3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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