i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize