the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
