she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
