White coat. Heels.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
