Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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