there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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