Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
