I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
