What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
