i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize