Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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