I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Too much gin, very little bucket
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
