I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
