Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
