under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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